I Had Nary a Clue

The little snippets below represent some misconceptions on my part as well as weird things I’ve encountered.

Warning: even though I have claimed that this blog is about biking- there is NOTHING about biking in this post.  I am a liar.  But there is a lot about thinking…albeit erroneously…

  • I think I was about 6 years old – my mom was trying to explain to me, because I couldn’t understand, that “Miami” was a place in Florida. Ok- fine, but I wanted to know where “MY Ami” was located because that was HER Ami. I’m sure, from her point of view, it was the kind of conversation that could take the rest of her life and still get nowhere. I don’t remember any kind of “ah-ha!” moment during that conversation at all.
  • When I was around 5 or 6, it came as a complete surprise that my Aunt, Uncles, Grandparents and Cousins had last names.  I was even more confused that some of those last names were the same as MINE.
  • When I was about 10 or so, I heard my father tell my mother about being ‘debriefed’ before he left one company for another. I was curious as to why people at his work would take his underwear.
  • I thought it was pretty harsh of the city to “pound” your car (in my mind it was a nice solid square of metal) if you parked illegally.
  • When I was 12, I was REALLY, REALLY, REALLY excited. My father was coming home with a RABBIT!!  A RABBIT!!!!  I was completely dismayed when he came home with a car. Damn Volkswagen for messing with my gullible young mind.
  • I was very disappointed to learn that my Poppy (Grandfather) did not sell hot dogs for his job when my Mom was growing up.  His hot dog stand, right off of Route 25A on the Long Island Expressway, was a dream come true for my brother and I. He had the coolest job EVER!
  • In my early days of working with computers (circa 1997), I had no idea of what “copy & paste” meant.  I was trying to learn HTML and asked someone via email how to code something or other – he sent me about 100 lines of HTML…I laboriously hand copied them to some paper and then laboriously typed it into notepad.   Several months later, I’m taking a walk and just thinking about stuff and all of a sudden I had an “AH-HA!” moment – I realized what Miami was…no, wait…I sussed out copy & paste and felt like a complete moron.
  • I was stunned to find out that pork rinds, in North Carolina, can come in enough flavors to fill almost an entire isle in the chip department.  It was even more horrifying to see that they were sold in a microwavable ‘format’ – it looked just like the bags of microwavable popcorn that were relegated to about 5 inches of shelf space in the chip aisle. The microwavable pork rinds were featured on an end cap.  That’s what you get when you’re at the Piggly Wiggly.
  • In one “Italian” restaurant, despite the first ingredient listed as pork stock in their marinara sauce, the wait staff will still tell you it’s vegetarian.  And when you ask, how could it be vegetarian when it’s made with pork stock, they will tell you it is vegetarian because “they take the meat chunks out”.
  • I was at an upscale farmer’s market in Raleigh with my mother. We were eating breakfast at a restaurant there and they had no honey for the biscuits (sob)…however, my mother noted that there was an abundance of “Fried Baloney & Brains” to be had.
  • I had no idea that I could throw up EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE for 9 months and still manage to gain 35 lbs during my pregnancy.
  • I would never have thought that when I told someone how DELICIOUS syrup is on Cheerios cereal, that I needed to specify that you use syrup like sugar NOT like milk.
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About Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher

I'm a research librarian for Public Television, story teller, bike commuter, baker, music fiend, lover of reading & books, mother, wife, friend - and many more descriptive adjectives and nouns.
This entry was posted in Humor, Random Thoughts, Vegetarian and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

66 Responses to I Had Nary a Clue

  1. Jennie Saia says:

    I am ashamed of my state for having microwavable pork rinds. This is an atrocity I did not know existed. In other news, when I was little, I seriously thought my father could repair popped balloons, and got seriously upset every time when he refused.

  2. Jennifer says:

    Hilarious. Good stuff for first up in the morning. Our version of Miami, the Gold Coast, could be taken in the same vein, where’s the gold?? I’m still stuck on getting a screen shot, mainly coz I never need to (although I have figured it out on the ipad, quite by accident), and I still hear about people who have no idea about ‘lol’ and copy and paste.

  3. calahan says:

    When I was little, I tried to get my mom to pull over to the nearest phone because I wanted to call the police. Why? Because I saw a sign that said ‘drug store’ and I was sure the cops would want to know all about it.

    Also, that Italian restaurant is absurd. Ha.

  4. MissFourEyes says:

    Hahaha! I loved this!
    I was watching a spy movie as a kid where they were going to have a mission ‘debriefing’. I covered my eyes with my hands and peaked through the holes to make sure there weren’t any nudie people

  5. Cathy Ulrich says:

    I love these, Denise! I, too, thought Miami was the possessive form of “Ami.” When I was three, my parents and grandparents took me on a road trip from Atlanta to Miami and I kept asking: “Mom, when are we going to get to Yourami?” Another of my three-year-old word conversions was cantaloupe which I called “Lope in a can.”

  6. A.J. Goode says:

    I love the bit about relatives having last names! My son got confused about first names — for years, he thought my first name was “Honey” because that’s what his daddy called me.

  7. Elyse says:

    You know, I think some of my best posts are the early ones because I really worked hard to make them funny/insighful/awesome. So I’m glad you posted this oldie but goodie.

    Whenever we went by my son’s daycare, we’d say “Hi School!” So it was quite a shock to poor lil’ Jacob when we were going to my High school reunion and had to be in the car for a very long time …

  8. stephrogers says:

    Hahaha I wondered the same thing when I was pregnant! I’m glad you reblogged this, it’s awesome

  9. twindaddy says:

    This…is…AWESOME! You make me laugh, Ladycakes.

  10. El Guapo says:

    The nice part about being an adult is that it’s easier for me to hide my confusion over stuff like that now.

  11. Reblogged this on The Mercenary Researcher and commented:

    I’m reblogging because I wrote some my favorite stories early in my blogging days ~ when I had like 0 followers…

  12. Kylie says:

    You’re right. Your life is quite awkward. Thank you for gifting us with your stories! You’re a regular Xmas Elf!

    I visited Graceland for Spring Break one year in college. We went into the Piggly Wiggly in Memphis. That is a memory seared into my brain forever. That place was so depressing. And it was so empty. It was my first experience of what a ghetto must be like. It’s what I think of when I read about “food deserts.”
    In downtown Memphis, I had to use the bathroom in the basement of a 5 and dime store and it, too, was flooded (the bathroom, not the basement). Seems to be a trend. On the other hand, we visited the Peabody Hotel where they had live ducks cavorting in a fountain inside the lobby, and a cup of hot tea cost $8. Talk about social disparities!!

    Plus–I like orange juice in my cheerios, in place of the milk, not the sugar.

    Oh, and I read your exchange with runningonsober above…I hope you get the rabbit reference now. My XXX-Mas post wouldn’t make sense without it 😉

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  15. Dawn Nunn says:

    I embarrassed myself the other day. My son asked me what YTB meant in text speak. I confidently told him it meant You’re the Best. Another adult in the room corrected me and said it means You’re the Bomb. My son added another notch to the his My Mom is Stupid belt.

  16. runningonsober says:

    LOL, especially at the pork rinds and copy & paste. I remember someone in IT asking me to take a screen shot of my computer screen and send it to her. I was like, ummm ok but I’ll have to do it tomorrow, I didn’t bring my camera with me. Doh.
    Oh, and I totally thought of something else when you said “rabbit.” (blush) 🙂

  17. Some kids are so literal. My son refuses to eat my homemade waffles so I buy him the frozen kind. I asked him if he wanted a frozen waffle and he replied, “No Mommy, I want it warm.” When I tell him to behave he says, “I am being have.” He’s the kid that would use honey as milk for his Cheerios. I love the pork stock in the vegetarian marinara. Of course! Just take the meat chunks out.

  18. Andrew says:

    Mmmm…microwavable pork rinds. I can’t even comprehend that lol.

  19. I distinctly remember my mum trying to explain to me that ‘Paradise’ was not the actual name of any one place. I was about five or six years old and just coudn’t comprehend it. “But Mum, people always want to go there!”

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