A Time for Reflection

Greetings Everyone,

In the wake of the recent tragedy; I am finding it hard to write about some of the things I was hoping to during the holiday season.

I almost lost my baby on Christmas eve when he was just 24 hours old – and now all these families have lost their children right before the holiday -and it’s very hard for me to write about my personal story which ended with an unbelievable outcome. An outcome that will never happen for all those families.

Of of my closest and oldest friends – someone who I share most everything with – lives within 2 miles of Sandy Hook Elementary school and my heart grieves for her and her community.  I’m mostly grieving for all the families that have to face this holiday – for all the people that have to do something with all the Christmas presents for children who are no longer here or their Hanukkah presents from the past week; from my own experience, I know this sometimes falls upon the fathers as it did with my own wonderful husband. He had to put all the Christmas presents in our son’s nursery and close the door before I was able to step foot in our house. I don’t know how people find the strength to do these things -but they do, and they are all the more amazing for it.   I know this isn’t about presents – it’s about how to move forward.

So until I am able to process this – I might be silent on my blog for a while. I will be back – I just can’t write as of yet.

Please love everyone around you – and don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them.  All of my friends here – I do love you – it doesn’t matter that I’ve never met most of you; but you  all have touched my life and I thank you for it.

Take care ~
Denise

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About Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher

I'm a research librarian for Public Television, story teller, bike commuter, baker, music fiend, lover of reading & books, mother, wife, friend - and many more descriptive adjectives and nouns.
This entry was posted in Children, Family, grieving and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to A Time for Reflection

  1. jmlindy422 says:

    My sister lost a child in similar circumstances many years ago. She died, at about 36 hours old, on the day after Thanksgiving. It changed her forever, in profound ways. I’m sure that isn’t surprising to you. My heart goes out to you.

  2. Kylie says:

    It is pretty damn overwhelming.

  3. The Hook says:

    You have a beautiful soul, Denise.
    Be well.

  4. There’s a lot to process right now. A lot. Take your time. If I don’t see you around, enjoy your holiday with your family.

  5. Pingback: Torn tissues of wonderment | Drinking Tips for Teens

  6. wanderingmiyagi says:

    I am sorry for what happened. It was a terrible thing. You are right about this being a tragedy, and about waiting to digest this before writing about it. I don’t know if I will write about the event myself. But perhaps you have given me the courage to do so. Thank you for that.

  7. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Denise,
    Thank you for sharing here. Sending love and thoughts of comfort to all parents and children this week.
    Cathy

  8. iRuniBreathe says:

    Denise,
    The tragedy of lives lost, both physical and in memories, is unfathomable. We relate to our own life experiences to try to comprehend such devastation. Be gentle with yourself in your silence. A time of healing and grieving is understood.

  9. The most devastating part of all of this (to me anyway), is the thought of all of those parents having to look at the gifts that Santa had hidden around the house, waiting for Christmas morning. The orphaned toys are going to continue to hurt the folks that were giving them out of love to their little ones. Some pain is just too much to bear. I hope and pray every night that these parents can overcome the overwhelming sense of loss this terrible young man has forced upon them.

  10. Nancy Hopping says:

    Denise dear, I, too, remember that Christmas Eve, when Dorian was fighting with every atom in his tiny body. I cannot forget driving up Craycroft at around 9:00 PM and looking at Tucson Medical Center, where the battle for Dorian’s life was joined at that very moment. I thought of you, your tiny child and Scott. And I wept. And yet, through that awful Christmas Eve, his little self was too resilient and too much of a fighter to give in and give up. And you were, too. Miracles and grace happen every day. Francis Bacon said that our children are our hostages to fortune. He didnt’ mean it in the way that I do… but it is true. The moment that tiny person separates himself from our bodies, we are forever changed and uniquely vulnerable. As a parent, we can all too readily relate to the dreadful loss those parents are facing in Newtown but nobody really know unless they have been through it.. There is nothing any of us can say or do to make it better. Because it cannot get better. Grief is funny that way, with the passage of time it creeps up and blindsides less often, but the pain is as intense. All we can do is love our children, give them the courage to face the world and trust that such horror is a very rare thing. No response to this is necessary.

  11. That’s all we can do is just keep loving and taking care of one another…

  12. Kim says:

    I’m sorry this brings up painful memories for you. Yes, silence can speak volumes. It’s all so heartbreaking. On the way home from Phoenix yesterday my 15 year old fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. I was very happy to have him there.

  13. It really is the saddest and most shocking tragedy. Our hearts go out to those parents who were blindly trusting the security and good faith in people… Now engulfed in the feeling of helplessness and tragedy for their babies

  14. Meghan Kelly says:

    Beautiful post and of course silence will be understood. There really are no words to compensate for this great tragedy.

  15. TAE says:

    I have to say I channelled my sadness into anger which I most often do.
    My mind cannot process how the families must feel like. It is beyond me. That they have gifts sitting under the Christmas tree that will stay forever unopened…
    I just hope that none of them are alone in these hours.

  16. You wrote beautifully about this. I’m so sorry for the memories it brings up for you and I grieve for these families and community along with you. Love and peace to you, my friend.

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