Such an odd thing is coincidence – when you’ve been thinking about something for awhile, pondering how to talk about it, trying to make someone UNDERSTAND where you’re coming from, thinking it might not be the time nor place – then BAM! Something comes and nudges you forward asking you to divulge these thoughts – today that something was the Daily Post.
It requests an essay on the following:
Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.
This is not a ‘first time’ – but I think it will be ok. Are you ok with that? Good – let us proceed.
So here’s the deal for those that are not familiar with my history – my son was born, he died, he was resuscitated, he lost part of his intestine, he was in the Neonatal ICU for 4 months – he’s alive and well – he was the Miracle Network Child in 2003… My father insists that I call him ‘a miracle’
Alas – I cannot.
I cannot deny that his recovery was not amazing – a one in a million occurrence; but I cannot concede it was miraculous. Why? Because other babies died when were were in the NICU. Babies with parents who prayed continually for their baby to survive. People of faith – deep faith. What did they get? A funeral. I cannot believe in a God that chooses one child over another. I get particularly upset when people credit God as saving them from taking a train/plan/bus/car that crashed – yet others died. This offends me. I have no problem with people’s belief in God – I just cannot accept a ‘life saving miracle from the Hand of God’.
I think if I have to credit anyone with performing a ‘miracle’ – it would be all the doctors and nurses that spent countless hours with Dorian -during surgeries, in the NICU – at our home, in their offices. And even that is not a miracle – it is them doing what they do and doing it incredibly well.
As always- I hope I did not offend anyone – that is not my intent. I just needed to be able to say why I have a hard time believing that my son’s survival was a miracle. It’s not his survival that makes me doubt- it’s the other babies’ – the ones who didn’t get the ‘miracle’.
Please don’t hate me – maybe one day I’ll change. But for now – I have to believe that if there’s a God – it’s a God that has set us in motion but doesn’t move us around like chess pieces, doesn’t interfere with our day-to-day existence. And I don’t judge you on your beliefs, so I hope you do not judge me upon mine.
Addendum: What I do have faith in is connections – I don’t know where they come from or how they play into the world – but I do believe in those. Too many of them in my life to disregard it as a coincidence.
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