Greetings & Welcome ~
I am embarking upon my first experiences with fasting. I have no doubt that right now despite my smiling with confidence (and 16 oz of black coffee), that by tonight, I shall be struggling to keep away from the fridge.
So instead of eating mindlessly, I am going to endeavor to write my hunger away – so for a while my blog might become a place of PAIN AND MISERY – no wait, that was my son’s 6th birthday party – my blog might become a place of disjointed ramblings. No wait, it’s already that. I don’t know what it might become, but I’m hoping it will help me break the cycle.
You see, I’ve sort of developed a frightening problem. Binge eating at nights. I am aware that it stems from emotional issues that have blossomed into a full blown habit at this point. I feel like I’m entitled to cram as much food into my face after 9PM – for a variety of reasons. None of them are valid, in that eating will solve the problems – most of them are just excuses to fill some sort of need that I have to work through. I know some are related to spending 10 years not coming to terms with the events of my son’s birth, some are related to experiences that I would never want to relive again, some are deeply rooted in my lifetime of dealing with my weight and some are thumbing my nose at my own self for all the things I do to be healthy all the other hours the day. It’s a vicious cycle – most of us are aware of this cycle of eat/shame/remorse/weight/shame/eat/shame/remorse/weight etc… it’s not a new story, I’m not giving it any special twist – but I want to beat it.
So I’m trying a twice a week fast – 600 calories per fast day – lots of water, meditation and mindfulness about what my body is feeling. Trying to show myself what TRUE hunger is – not emotional hunger.
I won’t be offended if this kind of ‘diary blogging’ is not your thing to read – but do come back for the regularly scheduled program.
Shall we get to it?
AM Addenum: so far, so good… drank my shake very late so that I can have four hours until my next meal – I made myself drink it slowly (which is hard for me – I’m a fast & furious eater – which is also part of the issue) – and I feel good. Water is lovely – brain is working – bladder is full…so far so good… but we know it’s the 9PM time that will challenge.
Later on: and now I just want to sleep. So tired –
5PM – doing well. Once I was moving around and not sitting at my work space – I was able to get over being tired/moody/hungry. Now I’ve got my Talapia, zukes and toms in the oven for my light dinner. If all else fails, I will just go to sleep at 8PM and see if I can sleep thru the compulsion. I’m feeling GREAT right now!