It’s the FAST post

Greetings & Welcome ~

I am embarking upon my first experiences with fasting.  I have no doubt that right now despite my smiling with confidence (and 16 oz of black coffee), that by tonight, I shall be struggling to keep away from the fridge.

So instead of eating mindlessly, I am going to endeavor to write my hunger away – so for a while my blog might become a place of PAIN AND MISERY – no wait, that was my son’s 6th birthday party – my blog might become a place of disjointed ramblings. No wait, it’s already that. I don’t know what it might become, but I’m hoping it will help me break the cycle.

You see, I’ve sort of developed a frightening problem. Binge eating at nights.  I am aware that it stems from emotional issues that have blossomed into a full blown habit at this point. I feel like I’m entitled to cram as much food into my face after 9PM – for a variety of reasons.  None of them are valid, in that eating will solve the problems – most of them are just excuses to fill some sort of need that I have to work through. I know some are related to spending 10 years not coming to terms with the events of my son’s birth, some are related to experiences that I would never want to relive again, some are deeply rooted in my lifetime of dealing with my weight and some are thumbing my nose at my own self for all the things I do to be healthy all the other hours the day.  It’s a vicious cycle – most of us are aware of this cycle of eat/shame/remorse/weight/shame/eat/shame/remorse/weight etc… it’s not a new story, I’m not giving it any special twist – but I want to beat it.

So I’m trying a twice a week fast – 600 calories per fast day  – lots of water, meditation and mindfulness about what my body is feeling. Trying to show myself what TRUE hunger is – not emotional hunger.

We’ll see…

I won’t be offended if this kind of ‘diary blogging’ is not your thing to read – but do come back for the regularly scheduled program.

Shall we get to it?

AM Addenum: so far, so good… drank my shake very late so that I can have four hours until my next meal  – I made myself drink it slowly (which is hard for me – I’m a fast & furious eater – which is also part of the issue) – and I feel good. Water is lovely – brain is working – bladder is full…so far so good… but we know it’s the 9PM time that will challenge.

Later on: and now I just want to sleep.  So tired – 

5PM  – doing well. Once I was moving around and not sitting at my work space – I was able to get over being tired/moody/hungry.  Now I’ve got my Talapia, zukes and toms in the oven for my light dinner.  If all else fails, I will just go to sleep at 8PM and see if I can sleep thru the compulsion.  I’m feeling GREAT right now! 


About Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher

I'm a research librarian for Public Television, story teller, bike commuter, baker, music fiend, lover of reading & books, mother, wife, friend - and many more descriptive adjectives and nouns.
This entry was posted in Blogging, Eating, Health, Random Thoughts, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

50 Responses to It’s the FAST post

  1. Daile says:

    I know a lot of people who fast quite successfully but as soon as I’m told I can’t eat, my stomach starts contracting and feeling like it’s eating itself away. It’s all in the mind! Good luck, hope it works for you

  2. runningonsober says:

    Are you doing the 5:2 Fast Diet perhaps? It sounds similar with the 500-600 calories, twice a week or every other day.

    I did it for a couple of months (Mar-May), and found the first couple fast days the hardest. Then each got easier.

    What I liked best, was that I really re-learned what it felt to be hungry. Mindless eating and constant snacking, it all became more of a habit than necessity. It helped me learn to eat when hungry on the non-fast days.

    There are also tons of medical benefits to giving your body a break from food. Your digestive system, liver, and more all get a chance to “repair”. and the corresponding book have some good info on the medical benefits.

    I can’t follow it while I am marathon training, but overall my experience was positive. I would also agree with others about counseling maybe to help with the under riding issues that made you want to binge eat.

    • Yes – the 5.2 ‘diet’ – except I’m more interested in what fasting might be like – and I won’t shun weight loss…but I’m not wanting it to be the main goal, mostly to break my binge habit (and the counselor is right too).

      Thanks for the link.

  3. Maggie O'C says:

    Ack! 600 calories! I don’t know if that’s enough to keep your metabolism going. And I think you have a point about the therapist and who doesn’t love thereapy?! 🙂 Good for you. I finally returned to the scale this morning and I’m going to work toward losing 10 lbs and then another 10 lbs. I’m a shitty dieter. Go team Rutabaga!

  4. Pingback: Taggers & Fruitcakes! | rohan7things

  5. You’re going to do it, huh? Well, you have my two cents. I know when I did the detox, I did feel tired. Such low energy. Are you going to do protein drinks? Just a thought. Hang in there, miss. Have you ever thought seeing a nutritionist? Maybe they could help. I’m rooting for you. I just want you to be happy.

    • I did it – I probably ate closer to 600 calories – I started off with a protein shake in the AM, some veg & hummos for lunch and a piece of fish with zukes & toms for dinner. It was hard in the afternoon – but I decided to just go to sleep around 9PM and I feel good! I did decide against an all liquid fast –

      I think i need a therapist rather than a nutritionist for the binge eating. I’ve been very conscious about what I eat since I was in my 20s. But I got through day #1!

      Thanks for rooting for me 🙂

  6. iRuniBreathe says:

    I’m a super-good mindless eater when my kids leave me frustrated and senseless and I happily dive into chocolate goodness. I’ve heard that if you can try change up your routine when you get into that ‘tricky’ time it may help dissociate from your natural tendencies. You don’t want to continue your usual habits/routine and then have to deal with the lack of relief/suppression as well. High five to you!

  7. MissFourEyes says:

    Wow, good luck! I’m rooting for you! I can’t fast. I’m like Alice, I get low blood sugar and the Hulk (or a slightly faint version of the Hulk) comes out. Rawr.

    • Tee hee hee…

      I have just had a food lunch – and I think having a liquid breakfast with food lunch and dinner (at the 500 calorie limit) will be good. I was hungry for my lunch and tried to eat it nice and slow. Plus I don’t think drinking a ‘chocolate’ flavored shake for all my meals will teach me anything about breaking my sweet tooth – but it’s a process! Thanks for reading.

  8. Deb says:

    Im always amazed how much more common this issue is than I thought it was. I struggle with it myself, and I recently saw a nutritionist and she told me this was a very common issue. I wonder why we struggle with this eating pattern? Anyway, the advice she gave me, which has worked very well, is to move slowly and with a dedicated goal of reduction. If you feel like you have to binge on sugar every night, see if you can take that down to 5 nights a week, then 4, etc. If the best you can do is 4, then focus on how awesome your progress has been- you ARENT binging 3 nights a week! Also, if you have to have something at night, try replacing your typical cookies-ice cream-chocolate fest with a bowl of plain yogurt and a sprinkle of nuts or dried fruit- this is a healthy, filling substitute that is still satisfying. Good luck!

    • Thank you~ I don’t know why it’s so common- but I suspect that, at least for me, it’s a way to ‘prove’ that I can have what I want – OR if I don’t eat as much as I can (on the sly) that I won’t ever get it or I won’t be satiated with the amount that is reasonable.

      The other night, I did just that – I had greek yogurt with berries and I felt satisfied and less ‘shamed’ because even if I was having a late snack – it wasn’t a crazy amount and it wasn’t a crazy item. Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Kudos for you for trying to break the cycle as well – it’s a challenge that I know we can come to terms with.

  9. Amber says:

    Learning how to be comfortable within resistance is one the most empowering experiences we can have. I wish you much luck and peace within your new practice!

  10. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Hey you! Hope the fasting is going alright 🙂

    A couple of books I’d recommend. The Only Diet There is by Sondra Ray for a different approach to food and diets and Waking The Tiger by Peter Levine for any residual trauma you may be carrying from your songs difficult birth and anything else.

    I’m sure if you hit it from enough angles you will crack it eventually 🙂

    Good luck! Don’t stand up too quickly 🙂


    • Rohan,
      Thank you you! I’ve just started opening up the other Peter Levin book you recommended about trauma and children –

      I wish I could just erase my food-emotion brain and begin anew – but since that is not really an option – I’m open to trying something new.

  11. rossmurray1 says:

    Good luck. I’ve been night-gorging myself for the past while, probably trying to replace the sugar of alcohol, so I’ll be interested to see how you fare. Looking forward to the head-spinny posts to come. And if you fall off the wagon, you can call the post, “Not so fast.” You’re welcome.

  12. 600 calories?? I’m getting hungry just thinking about that. Good luck, Ladycakes. I’ll be rooting for you.

  13. Lisa says:

    Please be careful. No matter what you say, I am going to be a bit worried, but then again, if I had been aware of the late night binging, I’d be worried about that too. You do know that you’re wonderful as is, right? That you’re a great Mom and an amazing friend, and that – most important of all – we love you as you, no matter the shape, size, or habits??!!

    • Thank you Lisa – I will be careful – I’m not out to starve myself in any way shape or form. But I need to figure out how to break this cycle – it’s taking over more of my life than I want it to.

      I’m so fortunate to have great friends like you to support me!! LOVE YOU TONS ~

  14. El Guapo says:

    I hope it all goes well and you find what you’re looking for!

    Just one question – are you replacing one binge activity with another?

  15. RFL says:

    Good luck! I’ve never once been successful fasting, but I admire those that can!

  16. janet says:

    You are so courageous to be that transparent with your “inner” life. I love you no matter how it turns out……..amazing, healthy success or abysmal failure 🙂

    • Thank you Janet – I think I’ve always been transparent – I’m introspective but at the same time, I have to process things externally (for good or for ill, the jury is still out) – so writing is the vehicle that I shall try.

      hee hee… I only hope for perspective at this point.

  17. I could never fast. I get low blood sugar and then Rage Alice comes out, so soon everyone would hate me. At least I wouldn’t get invited to any more cake filled birthday parties. One more to go this month. Kill meeeee.

    Good luck to you, though. Just be careful – I’d hate to see you get malnourished. Librarians need their strength! 😀

  18. I like the idea of mindfulness about what your body is really feeling. We all do things to numb ourselves (eating, drinking, social media, exercise, the list is endless) and a break from those things is a great way to gain perspective on what’s really important.

  19. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Good luck, Denise. It sounds like a reasonable way to break the cycle. Sending good thoughts and positive support.

  20. The Cutter says:

    Good luck! Hope you succeed

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