Would you like to buy some Chiclets?

When I was around 19 years old, I went to Nogales with my boyfriend, his friend, his sister and her husband.  It was a day for drinking.  When you’re 5 years older than your girlfriend and she’s underage, you can’t frequent many bars…so you drive 45 minutes or so to allow you to get piss-ass drunk in an other country.  It makes PERFECT sense.  Even better if your girlfriend has zero tolerance for alcohol.

We drove down in small Toyota truck, crossed the boarder and thought we should fortify ourselves with some food before the antics began. In 1989 there was a little diner right at the boarder that not only served local fare, but also included free (yes, FREE) shots of tequila.  Tequila has a dark and devilish side, I tell you true.  We bought more food so we could get more shots…

After we left that establishment, we sort of just drifted from bar to bar. I really was not doing well by that time, so I thought it would be ‘wise’ to sip Piña coladas and smoke a ton of cheap Mexican Marlboro cigarettes.  I puked in several bathrooms – it wasn’t pretty. Eventually, it transpired that we broke up into different groups agreeing to meet on the steps in front of a bank in a couple of hours.

Two hours later my boyfriend and I stumbled walked over to the rendezvous site only to be greeted to the sight of his sister sitting on the steps of the bank vomiting into her hands (as if she could actually catch and contain all that food and drink) while little kids were trying to sell her Chiclets. Not one kid was daunted by vomit. Not one.  I would have been screaming and running.

It will help with vomit-breath

It will help with vomit-breath

About two minutes later my boyfriend’s friend comes RUNNING towards us yelling – RUN! RUN! – turns out the police were chasing him because he’d got a bit nekkid at whatever bar he’d frequented.

He must have eluded the police because we failed to see anyone in pursuit. I was still feeling horrible and thought something cool and icy would settle my stomach – and I was the only one that was sober enough to drive by that point so I was driving us home. I stopped at a little food cart and bought an icy.  Happily munching away on the ice, we staggered back to the truck – vomiters rode in the truck bed and boyfriend sat with me.  As I start to drive home, it hits me like a TON OF BRICKS that I just ATE ICE WHICH IS MADE OF WATER – WATER FROM MEXICO…FROM A STREET VENDOR NOT FROM A RESTAURANT WITH FILTERED WATER… Holy Sh*t… let me tell you a little secret… it takes 45 minutes to get from Nogales to Tucson…which is the exact time it takes for Montezuma’s Revenge to set in.

This memory was inspired by a far better story from Sips of Jen and Tonic – which you simply must read after this.

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About Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher

I'm a research librarian for Public Television, story teller, bike commuter, baker, music fiend, lover of reading & books, mother, wife, friend - and many more descriptive adjectives and nouns.
This entry was posted in Aversions, Eating, Food, Humor, Random Thoughts, Story, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

72 Responses to Would you like to buy some Chiclets?

  1. Pingback: Friday Foolishness – Senior Discount Edition | Guapola

  2. Carrie Rubin says:

    Ah, both the pukes and the poops in one day, and from different sources no less. You probably had to break out the Zantac after all that…

  3. Pingback: Friday Foolishness – Blood Sucker Edition | Guapola

  4. girlseule says:

    This post is hilarious! What a day!

  5. If your livelihood depends on selling chiclets, a drunk person losing fluids and minerals seems like the most logical place to start the day’s trading…

  6. The Hook says:

    NO ONE is far better than you, my friend. NO ONE!

  7. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Haha, oh man! I’ve vomited from drinking on only one occasion and it was powerful enough to turn me into a sensible drinker!

    I won’t ask about the trips to the toilet after you got home…yikes! Hilarious story 🙂

    Rohan.

  8. Here in Europe we learn at an early age to look for containers for our vomit before we get drunk 😉 mostly garbage bins and toilets. I don’t know about the toilets in Mexico, though…

  9. rossmurray1 says:

    To-kill-ya.
    I think we should all (ahem!) cough up our best puke stories.

  10. iRuniBreathe says:

    I’m amazed that in whatever state you were in you actually still made the connection between the ice and the impending doom.
    Funny how we naturally allow vomit into our hands. You do this when your kids are sick without a second thought. Maybe the years of teenage training does serve us well as parents.

  11. Maggie O'C says:

    As soon as I read the icie thing, I thought, “oh this isn’t going to go well at all.” I have had the revenge myself and it is hideous.

    Also when in Acapulco in college I remember all the little kids following us around “whan chicklay? Chicklay! Chicklay!”

    I have no idea why people want to get the hell out of that country.

  12. RFL says:

    Oh wow, you told this story so well. Tequila is indeed evil, and I commend you for making it that long after consuming the ice.

  13. Tez says:

    Shudder! Just Shudder! So glad I survived my late teens. No, we don’t to go there, no.

  14. Ugh, Nogales. I have way too many Nogales stories. Let’s just leave it at that.

  15. I hate running naked and drunk from the police…

  16. I think we all have a night or 2 like this deep in the caches of our memories. Thanks for sharing yours 🙂

  17. El Guapo says:

    Sounds like you should have stuck with tequila.
    Becaus nothing bad happens from tequila.

    That can’t be fixed with more tequila!

  18. Kylie says:

    I am cracking up, and trying not to throw up. You’ve had a fun life 🙂

  19. unfetteredbs says:

    Awesome story. Great adventure !ha

  20. WOW. Drinking unfiltered water from Mexico and living to tell the tale is a feat in itself.

    Also, I’ve vomited into my own hands after getting too drunk. It makes sense at the time.

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