This post is dedicated to Greg – a most amazing Bikram instructor and all around delightful person. Thank you ~
I love moving my body around – I know it sounds weird. But I like when I’m hyper aware of what my body is doing; it feels like it’s changing – getting stronger, more flexible. (I’m working towards a ‘yoga butt’ – maybe soon!) Recently, I’ve been mentally disconnected from my body because I’ve been frustrated with the tug-of-war with my weight and binging issues. During these times I feel weighted down as if my body is filled with sand – all my limbs are heavy; my core feels like dough and I find myself either constantly aware of how awful I feel OR trying to turn my mind off of the things that are going on with my health. Ignoring my body but in doing so I become obsessed with it. Moving myself around feels like a chore; always trying to ameliorate the discomfort. I could see it in my Yoga practice, I could feel it when I walked, biked – whatever it was. But lately I’ve started feeling somewhat light. Very aware about feeling comfortable in myself. Limbs limber – feeling grounded. Not needing to cram my face with junk food late into the night. Feeling more alive within my own body. It is how I love to feel. My mind and body feel more in sync.
One of my favorite yoga instructors (well, they’re all my favorite, actually) told me about a new trampoline place in Tucson- he thought I might be interested. How he knew, I don’t know… but let me tell you…
Yesterday I bounced on a trampoline – many trampolines actually. My son & I went to the newly opened trampoline ‘park’. It’s a HUGE warehouse of various sized trampolines. I love trampolines. I love repetitive movement. My body loves compression – which might be a clue as to why I’ve been so taken with Bikram style Yoga, it’s a lot about compression. I also feel very light when I jump – and I find it soothing to just jump higher and higher – feeling all my muscles tingle; jumping higher with each bounce … FLYING straight up. There is nothing quite like it.
Watching kids jump on trampolines delights me like nothing else. They are so comfortable in their bodies. They jump without trepidation and KNOW that they can bounce on their bottoms, backs, arms and bounce right back up to their legs. They tumble and fly. I noticed, within myself, I don’t have that same level of freedom. I want to get that back. I want to run and turn aerial cartwheels do back flips – feel all that energy SURGE through my nerves and know I will land on the trampoline with ease and lightness.
I spent many years cartwheeling all over the place – narrow hallways, living rooms, any place where I could take a few running steps and I’d find myself flipping. I still turn cartwheels, but I notice that I am a bit more hesitant now; I need a lot of room around me. So what has changed? Obviously, both my mind and body. Both know what can happen – I’m pretty sure it’s called ‘experience’ – but is it better? I’m not 12 anymore – and injuries definitely take longer to heal… but I never want to lose my ability to cartwheel, bounce on a trampoline, sit on the floor – all the things that make me feel like my body is not a stranger.
I’m going back to the trampolines today. I hope this places lasts because I think we’re gonna be friends.