Within my Own Body

This post is dedicated to Greg – a most amazing Bikram instructor and all around delightful person. Thank you ~ 

I love moving my body around – I know it sounds weird. But I like when I’m hyper aware of what my body is doing; it feels like it’s changing – getting stronger, more flexible. (I’m working towards a ‘yoga butt’ – maybe soon!) Recently, I’ve been mentally disconnected from my body because I’ve been frustrated with the tug-of-war with my weight and binging issues. During these times I feel weighted down as if my body is filled with sand – all my limbs are heavy; my core feels like dough and I find myself either constantly aware of how awful I feel OR trying to turn my mind off of the things that are going on with my health. Ignoring my body but in doing so I become obsessed with it.  Moving myself around feels like a chore; always trying to ameliorate the discomfort. I could see it in my Yoga practice, I could feel it when I walked, biked – whatever it was. But lately I’ve started feeling somewhat light.  Very aware about feeling comfortable in myself. Limbs limber – feeling grounded. Not needing to cram my face with junk food late into the night. Feeling more alive within my own body.   It is how I love to feel.  My mind and body feel more in sync.

One of my favorite yoga instructors (well, they’re all my favorite, actually) told me about a new trampoline place in Tucson- he thought I might be interested. How he knew, I don’t know… but let me tell you…

Yesterday I bounced on a trampoline – many trampolines actually. My son & I went to the newly opened trampoline ‘park’.  It’s a HUGE warehouse of various sized trampolines.  I love trampolines.  I love repetitive movement. My body loves compression – which might be a clue as to why I’ve been so taken with Bikram style Yoga, it’s a lot about compression. I also feel very light when I jump – and I find it soothing to just jump higher and higher – feeling all my muscles tingle; jumping higher with each bounce … FLYING straight up.  There is nothing quite like it.

Watching kids jump on trampolines delights me like nothing else. They are so comfortable in their bodies. They jump without trepidation and KNOW that they can bounce on their bottoms, backs, arms and bounce right back up to their legs. They tumble and fly. I noticed, within myself, I don’t have that same level of freedom.  I want to get that back. I want to run and turn aerial cartwheels do back flips – feel all that energy SURGE through my nerves and know I will land on the trampoline with ease and lightness.

I spent many years cartwheeling all over the place – narrow hallways, living rooms,  any place where I could take a few running steps and I’d find myself flipping. I still turn cartwheels, but I notice that I am a bit more hesitant now; I need a lot of room around me. So what has changed? Obviously, both my mind and body. Both know what can happen – I’m pretty sure it’s called ‘experience’ – but is it better? I’m not 12 anymore – and injuries definitely take longer to heal… but I never want to lose my ability to cartwheel, bounce on a trampoline, sit on the floor – all the things that make me feel like my body is not a stranger.

I’m going back to the trampolines today.  I hope this places lasts because I think we’re gonna be friends.

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About Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher

I'm a research librarian for Public Television, story teller, bike commuter, baker, music fiend, lover of reading & books, mother, wife, friend - and many more descriptive adjectives and nouns.
This entry was posted in Bikram Yoga, Childhood, Eating, Health, Injury, Mental Health, Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Within my Own Body

  1. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Oh my God that looks fun…I just looked, we have one in Dublin! Hmmmm, one day, one day…

    I know what you mean about the body thing though. We silly oldies get so self conscious and tense and tight in our bodies, the kids just move so freely 🙂 The Feldenkrais Method might interest you 😉

    Rohan.

  2. I haven’t been on a trampoline in years…glad it’s working for you…bonus points?

  3. BigLizzy says:

    Ruta, You know me, girl. I LOVE this post because it so perfectly captures the love that you have for your body and you know that I’m all about that. I wish we had one of these places near us. I would be all up in that. I loved gymnastics as a kid and am still quite flexible so it would be really fun to bounce around. I love that you are feeling more alive in your body now; it’s the best feeling ever, isn’t it? Good job, honey. Hey, have your son take some photos of you bouncing. 🙂 XOXO

  4. stephrogers says:

    Oh that looks like serious fun!

  5. The Hook says:

    Wow, you really are a superhero!
    Good for you and good luck!

  6. Denise, I like how you put that about your body not being a stranger. I know lately I feel so many aches and pains, mainly in my back, which probably could be improved with stretching! I love the trampolines, too. We have a similar place not too far from where we live. Whatever you’re doing, it seems to be working!

  7. kimberlysbarton says:

    Reblogged this on Kimberly S Barton and commented:
    May we all bounce on trampolines and be as free with our bodies as children.

  8. El Guapo says:

    I think the only part of my body I’ve never landed on a trampoline is the top of my head.
    (Yes, I’ve done my face any times.)

    Have fun flying!

  9. Trampolines scare the crap out of me. Maybe it’s because I’m an earth sign. Firmly on the ground, preferrably with my feet in the sand is where I’m happiest! I do know what you mean about our bodies feeling heavy and light sometimes. I definitely feel it in my core. My heart will feel heavy or light depending on circumstances. You’ve always seemed bouncy and light to me. You’re like a bee or a butterfly. 🙂

    • Hee hee – my friend Mike is like that – wants both feet on the floor at all times.
      I think we all identify with one character in Winnie-the-Poo…and I’m hopeful that I’m Tigger!

      Maybe a jump on a trampoline (with all the dangerous stuff under mats) will make you feel more confident!

  10. RCW says:

    I’ve got to take the kids there! And I totally get what you mean about feeling bad…last night I ate god knows how many Oreos and I didn’t really even want them. I’m still awaiting the day I can break my emotions away from food.

  11. Fresh Ginger says:

    We have one here that I have been tempted to go try — and take my four year old in an effort to wear him out! 🙂

  12. Kim says:

    I understand how you feel. I feel the same way in aikido. I love being engaged with my body. I love rolling around on the floor and flipping in the air. We often lose touch with our bodies as we age, and physical movement is one way to stay young in body, mind, and spirit! The trampoline place looks like fun! I’m definitely going to try it out.

  13. Carrie Rubin says:

    The fact that you can jump on a trampoline after having babies impresses me beyond anything else I’ve read today. My hats off to you. When my brother got a trampoline years ago, I quickly learned it was not for Mother Carrie…

  14. MissFourEyes says:

    That place looks amazing!
    Glad you’re feeling better 🙂

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