In the past I was chastised by a peer. It concerned giving my opinion about a matter amongst a group of people. He took me to task because he felt that another person in the group might have been upset regarding my opinion. Little did my peer know that me and the other person had already connected in another conversation and we were both OK with having opinions that differ. What really torqued me, besides being talked to like I was a child that needed reprimanding about my behavior, was that the person that upbraided me was really only concerned with ‘making nice’ – so making an artificial connection in lieu of having an actual opinion. As if you cannot respectfully disagree and still maintain a connection. I dislike that. A lot. I rather loathe disingenuous connections. It smacks of a slimy ‘yes-man’ mentality. What is the point of an insincere connection? Networking for the sake of networking with nothing substantial behind it? I actually hate the term ‘Networking’ – it just sounds insincere.
I think a lot about connections. I really love connecting with people – if you scratch the surface, ask questions, listen, and observe what is happening around you, I believe you can connect with most anybody. A sincere connection through finding common ground, to me, is far more valuable than something fake for the sake of getting something in return – like a name to drop. The real connections are the ones that last – that give our lives meaning. That allows us to get along with others of different backgrounds and philosophies. To learn more about the world around us and expand our minds.
When I read people’s bucket lists, they often seem to revolve around travel. But mine is not that. Mine seems to revolve around meeting/knowing people. I really do love people – a class is better if there are people in there I want to be around or a teacher that I adore; a job is wonderful when there are people there that I want to spend my time with; my life is richer when the people around me are people I care about. I love easily – it sounds kind of dippy, but it’s true. I thrive on good conversation. It doesn’t always have to be intense or deeply philosophical – in fact, I’m rather more about laughing than being solidly serious – but it has to be sincere. It has to be genuine. I know no other way.
In my work, I deal with people mainly via email. I always have different quotes, mostly musical, in my email signature. Often someone will remark on a particular quote and that starts off a back and forth which leads to finding some common ground and that morphs into something solid. Just revealing a little bit about yourself through a music quote, for instance, can be the catalyst to something nourishing. Something that goes beyond just working with another client. That connection is alive and vital – it pulls down the barriers that block communication and opens up your world to something new. It often leads to a feeling of loyalty. If your job depends on the goodwill of others to seek out your services, isn’t it much more likely that they will want to continue to work with you because you are connected? Because you took the time to work with that person in a sincere manner – that you truly cared about something that has meaning to them? I feel that it’s true.
One of the reoccurring patterns in my life seems to be the ‘small world story’ occurrences. The other day, my son started a therapeutic class with three other children and it turns out that one of the moms does hot yoga with me. Were we meant to connect prior to our children connecting? Or is it simply a matter of being aware of the people I take yoga with, and then recognizing them in another setting? I don’t know. But I often feel drawn to people and find that they come into my life one way or another. In general, I feel very connected to the people around me. I feel it in my face to face relationships as well as my virtual ones. And I’m not saying I need to connect with every human being I come across – but I find that I need to have people in my life and most of them, I want to connect with on a personal level.
I remember years ago, doing some hypnotherapy for weight loss (mostly for slowing down my eating) and the woman I was working with told me that I seem to spend a lot of my time in a semi-hypnotic state- being very suggestible to the environment around me. Maybe that’s it – maybe I’m just taking in what people are giving off. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll cluck like a chicken if you ask me- I don’t know (hee hee)… And like much that I ramble about, there’s really no rhyme or reason for what I’m writing – I just wanted to put it on paper and see where it goes.
So when we met, either here or face to face, chances are that we are connected in some fashion or another. I look forward to finding that connection and welcoming you into my life.
Denise, I feel that we are very connected so much so that I’m sure we would hit off if we were to meet. I do feel people are destined to cross paths somehow, that people are in your life for a reason. I just know this! Ha ha.
I would have to agree 11111111100000000% – We are totally connected – I do hope we meet face to face one day!
YESSSSS!!!!! We will, Denise. Don’t ask me how I know? It’s meant to happen. Thanks, missy!!
🙂
I think everyone comes into our lives for a reason. We are connected to all the people we need to have contact with via some sort of invisible thread. They end up in our lives in one way or another. And I totally agree that those connections need to be genuine. There is no point having a half relationship. If you’re going to get to know someone the only way is to be honest. I am brutally honest, but the upside of that is that if I’m giving you a compliment you know I mean it.
Exactly – I’m like that – I’m all in. The downside to that is that I’ve had to learn, the hard way, that not everyone wants to be ‘all in’ and I have to pull back. Or it’s not in my best interest to be ‘all in’ – and that, for me. is the hardest part…reigning myself in when it’s not ‘right’.
I love the idea that people wander into your life for a Reason. I’m always amazed when I meet someone, and we end up having this amazing thing in common that we would have never known under any other circumstances. It’s kismet. That sort of thing happens to me all the time. great post!
Kismit! I love and had forgotten that word. I love being amazed by people too ~ it makes the world a fabulous place.
Thanks for stopping by!
I love this; I saw this wonderful video a while ago of random people getting into a ball pit together and finding common ground. I thought of how many conversations I’ve had with folks over the years where we’ve found something to talk about; whether you agree or not you can at least connect with people by considering your own opinion against theirs.
As for the interaction with your peer; I have never really thought about that, but I have come across situations like that and I never really understood why it didn’t sit well until just now. No one should deny you an opinion to make nice. Genuine interest and respect trumps any difference of opinion when it comes to human relations.
What are your thoughts on corndogs?
Well, they are food on a stick – but I’m not a fan of hotdogs – my husband, on the other hand, would probably knock down a pregnant woman for a corndog.
I think of it as “middle child syndrome” – where they just want everyone to ‘get along ‘ – now I don’t like contention but this wasn’t a contentious situation – just people shooting the breeze about what music/movies/tv they like.
I love you thoughts on connections!
Ha, totally. I am married to a middle child, and am the daughter of a middle child.. I understand this implicitly.
My son wants to re-name himself corndog, so I just thought I’d ask. I am not a fan, myself.
I’d say it’s as good a name as any!
I’ve never understood that… We don’t all have to agree on everything. Why do we need to be mindful of everyone else’s likes and dislikes… that isn’t how the world works. I’m not sure I’d have been able to hold my temper with your peer.
Sometimes it’s easier to just say nothing and let them go on – it wasn’t worth my time to have to defend myself about something that was really their issue.
And it’s not about agree/disagree – it’s about how respectful people are about it. How would I learn something new if everyone around me liked exactly the same things???
Speaking of which, your favorite Flogging Molly songs are all wrong. 😛
Yep, I hear you. Differences mean we have the opportunity to learn new things, to expand ourselves, to connect with more people. If we were all the same the world would fall apart.
and be bored to tears!
No, no – mine favorites are AWESOME…
I’m not saying they aren’t awesome, I’m just saying that they aren’t as awesome as other ones.
That’s debatable! But I’m good with most all of their songs being tagged as “AWESOME!” – I might be opinionated but I also like to see another person’s point of view – and at other times, agree to disagree…and, rarely, I want to resort to a punch in their face…
I’m more of a shin kicker… probably all those years playing soccer. 😛
I’ll wear pads.
I’ll try to duck.
But, my reflexes are pretty slow at the moment. One of the side affects of lack of sleep.
Mawhahahaha – and I have a hockey stick…
Well, crap.
I guess I must concede that the songs you like are for more awesomier than the songs I like because I can’t compete against a hockey stick….
Funny story.
My brother hit me with a hockey stick once. In retaliation I shot him with my sling shot.
Hmm, you know, I guess it wasn’t that funny of a story after all.
It was funny ‘uh-oh’! My brother threw a dart at my leg – that was suckage.
My son and I were ‘facing off’ when he was about 5 – and I got a hockey stick in the nose for it… ouch! Good thing nothing bleed or broke – 🙂
Note to self, don’t give the Little Prince a hockey stick until he is much, much older.
Exactly…
He’s already a terror with a spatula.
hee hee…
I keep trying to get a picture but he moves too fast… he is the spatula blur!
Video – it’s a video that’s needed!
Hahaha, good point. I’ll see what I can do.
Ha- on a previous topic, my sig quote for yesterday and today is:
“I’m ugly and you know it
But you think that I’m a poet.
So I keep the rhyme
When I feel in time
It gets me where I’m going”
– FM
Speaking of Flogging Molly!
See, now that truly is awesome. 🙂
Synchronicity!
It’s cool, because even the Bowie sucks we’re still friends!! 😉
Hee hee – oh Twindaddy…
Lol. Hi, Ladycakes!
We connected thru our uber intense feelings of bands we love/hate!
Yay!
I respect that ~
I think we connected through a mutual love of respect, silliness, and compassion. Musical differences are just a bonus.
Exactly – respect is where it’s at!
Woohoo!!
I’ve always hated networking. Some people are really good at it and they seem to be able to forge a deeper connection despite the shallow small talk that’s always involved when it’s work related. I love how you love to connect to people and anyone who spends any time with you (in person or online) knows that your interest is genuine. You also respect boundaries so it would be hard for you to offend someone. It sounds like your peer was reflecting their fears onto you.
hee hee – I spent a bit of time getting my hand caught in the fire for being a bit too free with my mouth (gossip) and I’ve had to learn the hard way how to learn when to shut it … which is not always successful!
I think the people that are good at networking, like you say, are fast at making those connections via small talk.
🙂 Have a great day!
I adore connecting with others…great post! ♥
Aw – me too – that connects us…
♥♥♥
awwwww
Only connect, as E.M. Forster wrote, whatever the hell that means.
You are blessed to be able to feel this connection with people. For other people it’s much harder. And by “other people” I of course mean me.
Aw – I bet you have connected with a lot of people, you just might not think of it that way. If you had 6 out of 11 from your last post, you probably just feel too much enui to notice ~ hee hee…
Excellent post. Firstly, I hate the word networking too, I didn’t realise why I hated it till I read this post. I thought I hated it because I’m an introvert and it’s a pretty unintroverted thing to do, but I realise now that the main reason I hate it is because it sounds so contrived and, as you say, insincere, it reeks of – let’s see who I can find who might be useful to me. Yuck.
As I understand it, humans are wired to seek out connections, not just with people, but between things and events, that’s why we’re so alert to coincidences – whether we believe that they are more than just coincidences or not, our radars are always seeking them out to make connections between them. There was a guy in England who won a huge amount on the Euromillions lottery at the weekend (£108m), and the media keep playing on this thing that he says he predicted he was going to win this weekend – well you know what, in all seriousness, I predict I’m going to win the lottery every weekend. We notice the times when events are connected and we think “wow, that must be more than coincidence!” but we don’t notice the far more often occasions where the connection isn’t there. I think I’ve gone slightly off track here, but never mind…
That’s why I have adore you – I love tangents too!
Yes Networking is very contrived – I love that word…(contrived) – and I think you’re spot-on about connecting events – coinkidink? meant to be? or just in the realm of probability b/c we think it’s going to happen all the time? WHO KNOWS! That’s the fun of life. There’s always a surprise in the cracker jack box –
Has it come to that? We can’t express a difference of opinion for fear of insulting?! My mom’s side of the family are old-world Italians. I’m only a second-generation American. I can assure you that that hyper-sensitivity has not made its way to the old country. They embrace a good debate. My uncle said that’s why they invented menus. We all want something different.
I could never allow myself to be hypnotized. I couldn’t surrender complete control of my conscience and subconscious to a stranger. I’m wound too tight for that sort of danger.
The words “hot” and “yoga” kind of jumped off my screen. I’ve seen each word before but I don’t recall ever seeing them together like that. Imagine what popped into my mind!
I’m 2nd generation Italian too – on my Mom’s side…and 3rd on my Dad’s! That’s a great line about menus (also in our family, you have to declare to my Mom what you’re eating before she orders – just because – it’s a joke at this point and I do it too).
I loves me Hot/Bikram Yoga….it feels soooo goooood.
And yes, for some, it has come to that – jesu forefend if there’s a difference of opinion. That was my Medieval saying for the day…
ANOTHER FANTASTIC, THOUGHT PROVOKING, AND VERY COOL POST! Now I know why I like your blogging and your writing and YOU so much ….. and is because you are GENUINE! You are funny and your stories, musings, and opinions are ALSO very interesting to me! I CERTAINLY ALSO FEEL CONNECTED TO YOU TOO – and in our “connection” you certainly don’t have to like the same movies I like or vice versa. In fact, I would find it a lot less interesting to be “connected” to someone exactly like me….in fact, I think I’d be bored to know someone with all the exact same feelings, opinions, and likes & dislikes I have. (I already know about all those things……well, as much as I know myself, I guess.) And altho I can “bond” with you over certain like-minded things, but ANY REAL CONNECTION OR BOND IS BASED ON LIKING THE PERSON (not all of the individual’s likes & dislikes ). When you “like” someone, you also respect, admire, trust, and enjoy that person too. In fact, I find you to be the very interesting person I know – just as much for our differences as our “sameness”. Like you…..I feel most “connected” to people who I BELIEVE TO BE THE REAL DEAL….AND WHO CAN TEACH ME SOMETHING NEW, WHO ENRICHES MY DAY OR MY LIFE , AND SOMEONE WHO ALSO ACCEPTS ME AS I AM ….AND I DO THE SAME………and over the years I’ve known you (professionally & personally) and in our interactions, I know you ARE THE REAL DEAL! (One of these days, I hope that we will meet “in person”…. and altho we haven’t had that opportunity yet , I KNOW we would have that special “connection” just the same ….. as each “connection” is as unique as the parties involved. The fact I’ve not had the honor of meeting in person ALSO in NO way diminishes my “connection” I feel WITH you. Neither will your dislike of a movie I DO LIKE. Thanks for an insightful and amusing post, as ALWAYS….. and my unsolicited “advice” is to just have a BIG OL BELLY LAUGH at the silly person who chose to “reprimand” you for stating an opinion that may be contrary to another’s ….. as that is well, ….it is just plain silly on their part. BTW: I highly doubt if you found out that I cried like a blubbering idiot and more than once when I saw Titanic, that we would then lose our “connection”…..no more than I would really care that you happen to hate the movie. I also really like strawberry ice cream and if you hate it, so what? So be it. Guess what, I still like YOU! In fact, these things would have absolutely NO effect on what I recall as my seemingly instant feeling of “connection” I experienced with you too! It was that “something” beyond good “customer service” too, perhaps your quirky sense of humor, or more likely, it was my sense that you were GOOD PERSON and A GENUINELY GOOD PERSON! : D (Ignore others who don’t want you to be your authentic self …. instead, continue to heed those wise, wise words……to thine own self be true! )
Vicki – you’re like amazing – I love that your comments tend to be close to being entire posts!! I totally feel a connection to you both as a friend and one professional to another. Thanks for making my day!! I hope we meet in person too – I wish APT or PBS would have a conf in Tucson or Phoenix.
AS a fellow “Aries-ian” I applaud connections, commonness, and food-on-a-stick. (I once had a girl friend who tried to give me lessons on how to eat without getting any on me – turns out food-on-a-stick was the best answer. Yum.) And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Applause all around! Who doesn’t love food-on-a-stick??
Amen. I bet your peer goes far, through networking and yes-manning.
Meanwhile, you and I will be connecting (and having much more fun) by doing Berlioz’ Symphonie Fantastique in chicken clucks.
HA! I did some research on Berlioz 🙂 And I want to CLUCK!!!
I was supposed to be an Aries…goofy doctors inducing my mother early *kicks rock*
Strengthening and finding new ways to stay connected are the best things once the initial connection is established. 🙂
You bettcha! I think we are somewhat similar, you and I ~
Let’s not talk about how we connected once, and just keep connecting in other ways.
Right – I like that idea, to continue to find common ground ~
Keeping things real and honest is the only way to connect. Food on a stick? Mmm
Food on a stick is a connection too – stick to food…food to mouth..
I think ‘real’ is my only option, honestly.
Food on a stick? Woooot! I so agree with you on this. Just today I was in a meeting and we have this ONE LADY who is so irritating. It’s always “we don’t want to have food cause like someone might not be able to have certain foods” Yeah, so???? Or we can’t give an award because maybe not everyone will get one. Yeah, soooo??? We’re freaking adults. Quit being nicey nice cause it means nothing then!!! Um, sorry. She just annoys me.
But it compares, I think, to the whole “Don’t talk about that issue cause someone will get hurty feelings.” Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s bad form to be purposely awful, like say spouting a racist diatribe or something. But constantly trying to please everyone and never offend someone? You’ll never write or say a thing.
Right. We can all have our opinions and differences – that’s what is interesting about people. And I think we can have different opinions without being purposely awful (unless we’re talking to that annoying person at the meeting, and purposely awful seems to be the only option out there).
And I love food on a stick.
My favorite? Sausage wrapped in a pancake!
My co-worker eats those – I like to razz him about it.
I love chicken kebabs and toasted marshmallows! And lollipops.
Connection–it’s a funny thing. Some people feel connected to everything and everyone; others feel that despite our daily interactions we’re all ultimately alone. Suppose it depends on one’s mindset. And now, I’d really like to hear you cluck like a chicken…
Bwack, bwack, bwack!
I think I’d go bonkers if I didn’t feel a connection with the people I love love and adore. It just happens.
Bwack! Bwack! Bwack!
Excellent clucking.
🙂
A couple of thoughts. I suspect people chose travel, not only because they want to see things, but when away, we can be ourselves or our other selves (we can be who we like) Travel offers that possibility. I have sometimes been on late night flights across an ocean; all fellow passengers asleep, I awake, (movies to watch, bookes to read notes to make) it is one of the few times I can be at the centre of my own universe.
I love your idea of random musical signatures in emails. A great way to sidestep the email message and connect in another way.
I like travel – don’t get me wrong – but I seem drawn to people more than places on the whole. Books to read – that is a place where I can be totally absorbed in another universe of my making.
I agree about the books. I was just rambling a little and forgot to say it was a nice post.
No worries or offense taken!
Wait…what’s food on a stick day? Is this a real thing?
I would never lie about food on a stick… on my birthday – what luck!
http://www.delish.com/food-fun/weird-food-holidays-something-on-a-stick-day#slide-2
Well then happy birthday to you!
10 days – I still have 10 days before I’m 44 – I don’t want to rush it… hee hee…
it’s all about connection…and there are no coincidences!
Sorry so long to reply, found you in ‘spam’ 🙂 I often wonder if there are no coinkidinks!
We’ll be even more connected in 10 days!
What? What’s happening in 10 days???
March 28th ring a bell??
OH YES! We’re gonna celebrate NATIONAL FOOD ON A STICK DAY and our birthdays 🙂
🙂 Aries women rule. (and food on a stick, of course)
Aries women holding food on a stick…