It all started with the naughty bits.
But please note: This is a frank and open discussion about anatomy and the rigors of bike riding upon it – very specifically in the region of, well you know, the naughty bits. Can also be discussed semi publicly with the terms: private parts, girly parts, and happy or whoo-whoo box (but only among known company). For the truly modest, a worried eye gaze flickering quickly down ‘there’ and back will convey everything there is needed to know.
I’d noticed that most people complained of having a sore bum when they ride longer distances or if they’d not biked in a while. My pain was a little more spread out in the general region and going forward, where you’d imagine it would be bothersome without me having to point it out in a vulgar manner. And of course if I’m writing about it online, I’m sure as shit sharing it with my face to face friends. Using this method for the wide distribution of ‘what’s on my mind’, I can usually get a good tip from some of the less horrified kith and kin. I did. Padded Shorts.
I never had padded shorts before – just the basic black cotton/stretchy kind. The cheap kind. So someone suggested getting padded shorts. Let me describe what they feel like. They have a very thick gel insert in the crotch all the way to the butt. It feels like I’m wearing a ginormous Kotex pad with ‘wings’ that I’m sure everyone can clearly see as I walk by. Shorts that make me feel like stopping perfect strangers and asking them if these pants ‘make my vagina look fat’. That’s what they feel like.
And because I had just recently written about how redonkulous it is to feel like you need to have a ton of specialty items in order to ‘exercise’, it would figure that sometimes the padded shorts ARE NOT ENOUGH. It’s like I wrote a short rant and my body (specifically the naughty bits) rebelled to make me a hypocrite. So now, along with the padded shorts, I own a ‘cut out’ seat, which I was told by other people with the same kinds of naughty bits, is much helpful in the realm of ‘ouchy pain’. I’m gonna have to concur (like Twindaddy does) – it makes a HUGE world of difference.
But in my defense, this is a $50 seat which I got for $34…I could have bought the $160 seat – but that’s insanity. Maybe if I was touring across country instead of across town. But even then, I might be too cheap to ever spend that amount of money on a seat.
So that’s the story of the naughty bits – not as tantalizing as you were hoping eh?
Note: Mom – I know you were appalled about me writing about cat poop on my carpet, I don’t know how you’re going to react to this… but it’s just one of those facts of life. We have naughty bits and sometimes they are ‘ouchy’ when squished on a bike seat for 80 plus miles.