Ugh – I saw that scary word on the printout of my visit to the doctor this past week. I had turned myself around when being weighed because I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty and I’d refused a scale weigh-in the last three visits. I know – I know – it’s just numbers on the scale. They’ve ruled my life. I’m healthy and athletic but have the density of a mac truck. HOWEVER….despite my efforts to ignore the scale number, I was unable to keep it a secret from myself and asked my doc for my weight. It was an eye opening moment.
Years ago I dropped 60 lbs after my son was born and my weight had sky rocketed along with blood pressure. It was either lose some weight or begin medication at the tender age of 32. No thank you… For the first time I lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off for years. And then slowly it has crept back – not all of it; but more of it than I want to admit.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooo – why am I writing about it in a public forum? Because sometimes that helps me stay on track. I told my doc that the last time we had this conversation I was able to lose weight; so maybe he’s my ‘magic bullet’. I have dropped 6 lbs since my visit (but probably only really 3, because, you know – afternoon weighing with clothes vs the morning nude weighing). But I’ll take it!
Some of you already know that I had started a horrible BINGE EATING pattern – you might know the one… waking up at midnight in front of the fridge, eating and not knowing how you got there… or even worse, waking up in the morning and not remembering if you binged the night before only to find wrappers in the garbage. I’ve not done that in a while and I *suspect* that the reason is that I’ve found some inner peace and allowed up my brain’s creative side to flourish. It was blindingly obvious to me that binge eating and stuffing myself despite being full was a metaphor – not feeling like I could ‘get enough’ of something, not feeling like my environment was reflecting what I wanted it to…because of so many things – mostly of my own design. So maybe it was a good thing I saw that word “Obesity” – it kicked me into gear and I feel committed to changing my body in the way that I want it to change. I don’t care about skinny – I do care about my health.
And my funny note of the day…. my 12 year old son has been under the impression that one of my favorite singers, Mark Mothersbaugh, from DEVO was named Mark Mothersbra. I think Mark should seriously consider a permanent name change, but it should be spelled thusly: Mother’s-Bra. I like correct possessive apostrophes and the ‘edgy’ use of a dash.
Ta ta! And happy Friday ~