I have three quick, funny (to me, at least) stories to regale you with today ~
The best part about them is that they did not happen to me…these are tales of the funny uh-oh that happened to my friends (yes, I have at least 2, which allows me to add the ‘s’ to the ‘friend’ word).
I Still Got It
I have a gorgeous baby boomer friend – long blond hair, ethereal beauty, funny as all get out….you know the type. When my friend, ‘Layla’, was a young mother of a toddler and a baby, she was living in the mountains in California in the grand hippie style. One day she was walking to the store with her toddler in a wagon and her baby in a papoose on her back.
She was noticing that she was getting a lot of smiles from men as they passed her. She was feeling pretty good thinking “ I’ve had two babies but I’ve still got it – oh yeah, I got it.”
When she put her hand behind her to get her baby out of the papoose, she realized she had a lollipop sticking out of her head…Yup, she’s got ‘it’ alright!
This is another ‘Layla’ story…
One day she brought in a picture of herself and a little boy (both probably about 7 or 8 yrs old). They were holding bubble wands and laughing. The caption she had written (as an 8 year old) underneath the picture was as follows:
“Blowing Bubbles and Bobby”
It’s no wonder Bobby was smiling….
When the Shit Hits the Floor
This last story is HILARIOUS, even if you don’t know my friend, ‘Cosma’.
So ‘Cosma’ and her husband went out to dinner for their anniversary a few years ago; it was a small family owned restaurant that an ex-boyfriend of hers used to work at when they were in high school. So, basically, ‘Cosma’ has known the family for almost 20 years.
‘Cosma’ and her husband shared a bottle of wine – she was a little tipsy as she barely weighs 110 pounds. She excused herself to use the restroom (which was a single or ‘oner’ as my kid calls it). She went in and immediately noticed a piece of fecal matter under the sink and thought, “That’s odd, how did that get there?” As grossed out as she was, she still needed to heed the call of (bladder) nature. So she finished up and intended to tell the waitperson or manager about the nice surprise in the bathroom; but as she was a little tipsy and was thinking about her anniversary, it slipped her mind and she never said anything. That was the last she’d thought of it.
Fast forward a few months later – she goes back to the restaurant to eat and is told that there is not a table available. The restaurant is half empty – but they won’t allow her to have a table. She asks about coming back later but is told that they’ll be too busy to seat her then too. She’s flummoxed but accepts it and goes home. Later on she calls her ex-boyfriend to see what the deal is and he tells her she’s been BANNED from the restaurant (for eternity) for taking a dump on the bathroom floor. Obviously she’s horrified and pleads with him to tell the owner it was not her (I’ve known her for 28 years and I’ve never even heard her TOOT – I doubt she defecates in public places in a toilet, much less on the floor). Whether he did tell the owner or not is debatable, but on a positive note, the restaurant went out of business.
And those are the stories….